A Confession of A Not-So-Nice Girl.

Apparently:
I'm not as nice as I thought I am, and I actually CAN live with this fact.

Huff, nuff said!

when what you think isn't whats happening.

I am thinking to give my self a break. As in stop thinking the unnecessary. Control the mind.
I feel that I am a little bit too caught up with unnecessary shit recently. When I thought that I am not holding on to things, that is exactly what happens.

Lets back on focus. I have more important things to think and to deal with.

OKAY.
lets get on the RIDE.

How did I survived?

I just realized that I spent less time now with girl friends, in fact I just realized that..I don't have any. (Gasp!) I mean, I don't have a very close girl friend that I spent my days with and shop and gossip and whine about boys other than my old old friends from back home, and that is only through YM. Occasionally that is.

OMG.

What the fuck happened?
And how did I survived all these time?

Love is. I think.

It is only recently that I wonder and ponder, why I keep on doing what I am doing and think the way I think. Somewhere, at some point in my life, I have stopped wanting things so bad, I have stopped wanting to keep things and feelings in me. I realized that I am less flammable now.

Knowing that nothing lasts forever gives me a calm feeling somehow. I am no longer scared of being sad or happy. Wounds are bound to happen as happiness too. This weird feeling of lightness surrounds me, kind of scares me.

doesn't it scare you, the will is not as strong as it used to be?

Love is. I think.
Patient is my helper.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

I kinda like Chinese New Year in Singapore. No, not because the discounted items suddenly appear sporadically all over Orchard. Eew, it's so not because of that. It's because CNY here reminds me of Bandung and Jakarta during Idul Fitri. Everyone is at home spending time with their families for once and taking some time off shopping (duh,like it's about time!). And for once Singapore felt like a more reasonable place to live.

NOT that I hate Singapore. :P

JC and Matt are heading out for Bintan this afternoon leaving me behind with my 'i'm-not-pregnant' cramps (thanks B for pointing that out, that's a way to say it :) ).

It's 8 52 PM and I've been successfully unproductive but very much happy for unexplainable reason.

So, er.. though I dont exactly celebrate CNY. It wouldn't hurt to say Happy Lunar Year wouldn't it? Tee-hee.

Uneasy.

Hm, I feel a bit uneasy tonight because 'this' paranoia keeps coming and going.
I hate being scared.
It's normal but it's stupid.
Just stupid.

Ready Before Its Time.

This place is giving me
nothing at all
that's why is time for me to leave now
This city is full of sunshine
but it is so damn cold
I want to leave now, I want to leave now, I want to leave now

I woke up late this morning. My alarm sets off at 6 30 and I end up waking up at 8 10, and my first thought was, alright I am late but then I will not do a thing about it. I am just going to lay here on my bed staring at my white boring ceilings blankly for many many minutes.

I've been very much lazy to read and write my thesis or doing some form of progress, its February already and I can't seem to push myself. I hate it. I hate not being able to focus on something, anything.

Maybe I am tired. Maybe I want to get over this and move on to the next phase. But I know that I can't beat Time, no matter what I do or say I just can't cheat on Time. No matter how hard I want to move on. I can never beat Time. WE can never beat Time.

this place is taking over a part of me
I'll find happiness in somewhere deeper
no regrets or cigarettes
'cause I'm ready, ready to go
Ready oh ready to go ready